| Oh shit. |
[21 Jan 2004|03:20am] |
I forgot this was still here.
I think I wanna start this again.
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| Twisted me........ |
[21 Jul 2003|12:32am] |
Today was fuckin' weird. My brother and I woke up at 9:30 and left at 10:00 to go to Santa Monica for the day. His roommate Pete drove. Pete is a dorky Asian who thrives on computer knowledge, but strives to make everyone believe he is black, a great basketball player, and a pimp. He miserably fails at all three. He's so fucking fake I want to puke on him. I really can't stand him much, but he drove. Oh well.
We got there in less than an hour, thanks mostly in part to Pete's unnecessary speeding. I lotioned up, grabbed my boogie board, and me and my bro proceeded to catch some waves for over two hours. This really hot Mexican guy kept talking to me in between crests. His tattoos were too boring, but FUCK was he hot. Miguel, where are you?
Afterwards, we went to the Promenade. I ate a fucking scrumptious eggplant mushroom vegan burger and met 3 other vegans while in line. It was awesome. Afterwards, me, Michael, and Pete wandered around. Mike bought more black paraphernalia. SWEET. We watched this one black dude dance for easily 30 minutes. He was funny as hell. My brother gave him $20. Then he offered to buy me something, and I suggested a lip piercing instead of shoes. AND HENCE BEGAN THE WEIRDITIES.....
We left the Promenade around 6. Pete starts speeding (as usual) and my brother fuckin' busts out a Coors Lite. I still have no idea where he got it from. Pete hits 105 once the carpool lane opens up and I tell him to fuckin' slow down. We had no reason to be in a hurry. And a minute after I say that, the Highway Patrol pulls him over for doing 99 in a 65 zone. Idiot. The guy who pulled us over was named Rick Fox. Get it?? GET IT???? Hahahah. Ha.
That takes up a good 30 mins. Then Pete "safely" drives home. We get there, all take a shower, and get ready to go to Claremont Tattoo, which has decent piercing prices. My brother calls my mom because she was coming over tonight to pick up my sister's CD's. However, she suddenly wanted to talk to me. My brother told her I was getting ANOTHER lip piercing. She gives me an earful for a half hour. I'll go into detail later.
She says she has to drop off my sister's friend in West Covina, then'll she'll head over to my bro's. This leaves us almost 2 hours. So we go, I get the piercing, and we're back in easily an hour and a half. On the computer, under my brother's AIM name, is this long ass message from my sister. In it, she basically disowns my brother. For what? We don't know. It made me furious. My sister is an unapologetic bitch. I'll elaborate later too. SO NOW, we're both freaking out. No one will answer at home.
So I'm worried. What the fuck happened? Only time will tell..........
I'll update more either later today or tomorrow. SCORE.
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| And keep the cycle spinning round and round....... |
[20 Jul 2003|03:09am] |
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Fuck, it's been a while. OK, fast style update!
Got a job at Tilly's. It's an UBER trendy store right by the beach. I fit in nicely. NOT. But I get paid money. Actually, I haven't started. They're doing a "background check" on me. PSSSHHT. Like that matters.
Went to Warped. I missed Less Than Jake, Glassjaw, and Pennywise. SUCK. But I did catch the Suicide Machines, Dropkick Murphys, Rancid, Avenged Sevenfold, and Thrice. SCORE.
Saw Rise Against at Chain Reaction. One of the best shows EVER. (Minus shitty ass Time in Malta, of course). They played my favorite song, Dead Ringer. OMGWTF.
Ummm...summer so far is pretty awesome. Been hanging around a lot with Amy-face. SCORE. Learning Thrice and Avenged Sevenfold songs on guitar. The Mars Volta is my new favorite CD. The Kinison need to release an LP. I had a vegan burrito today that owned the fuck out of every meal I've had in the past month.
SOOOOOOOOOO, for the first time, I have a REAL guy to talk about! Isander is hot and cute and fun and likes good music. Making out with him is fun.
I am done for now, but I should update more often now. MUAH.
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[16 Jun 2003|03:04am] |
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So I've been gone for a bit. Saturday I helped film a music video for my friend's band, Grounded (check out www.groundedpunk.com if you like melodic punk, Pennywise, Down By Law, etc). My character drank excessively and smoke pot. It was fun not being edge, except for when I got beer rammed up my nose. That shit burns and I smelt drunkness for atleast 4 hours. I don't play a good pothead.
It was the best show I'd seen Grounded put on in a while, though the security sucked ass. Lots of hot guys at Venice, though, so that was a plus.
I went back to Riverside after that and went to my friend Pilar's house. Hung out with old friends and journalism kids. My friend Pedro is so unbelievably HOT, I want to die. Christ, I wanted to hump that fucker.
After that I went to Jorge's birthday party. It was awkward because all of his church friends (though more were friends of his parents) were there and gaped at me like I was a freak. I will not lie; I have changed both mentally and physically since leaving high school. To say I haven't is stupid. But one of the reasons I've become agnostic is because of the very same people who stared at me last night. They're so fucking judgemental. Fuck that. I don't care anymore.
Jorge and I had a long ass discussion after everyone left and went to sleep. We spoke guitar for awhile and he did the fucking sweetest thing ever. He was playing all this church stuff and some songs I didn't recognize. Then he stopped and asked if I still sang. And he said, "Would you sing something if I played it?" I said sure.
He played Morningstar. He's never liked AFI and used to judge me pretty badly for listening to them (he thought they were satanic). I sang the song and he gave me the biggest hug afterwards. Things are better between us. He asked a bunch of questions about me being gay, because he said he had a hard time understanding it (he doesn't know I know about him, but he seemed pretty convincing........hmmmmm). Best part was that he never once judged me or told me I was wrong.
I spent the night. Walked to my parents house around noon. (It was like 95 degrees and two LONG miles away). Thankfully, it appears my parents are willing to support me, as my dad just got around $110,000 from his mom's trust (she passed in November). At first, I was really depressed because they just kept talking about getting my brother a new car, and here I sat, practically homeless and starving. But my mom took me out shopping and I FINALLY got a new pair of shoes. YES. If you've seen my ska Vans, they are seriously hanging together by a few well-placed threads and plastic strips.
Things are getting better and I'm glad. Once I get a job, all is fuckin' set.
Hope for me to get a job.
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| Check it out, check it out, check it out........ |
[12 Jun 2003|02:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
I'm feeling much better about myself after today. Granted, the whole Hot Topic deal didn't work out (those bastards), but I'm hoping either the Disneyland deal will work. Or, even better, the porn shop idea. I mean, come on, that's gotta be the second RADdest non-professional job ever. (I think working in a record store would be more fun).
So, I think moving in with Sara may happen. Anaheim isn't exactly cheap, so finding a place to stay there will be hard. Plus, I don't really know anyone in the area. Hmmm....atleast I have options now and some hope.
Today I went back to my old high school for graduation. Erik (PunkRudeBoyGeek from the board) took me and my bro and chilled with us. He was my Silent Bob for the day. The only thing he would say was, "I fucking hate you." Classic.
I forgot how many hot guys went to my high school. It's like 60% Latino, so I had a field day today. Amazing. And I'm slowly finding out that many of them are bi or gay. Which rocks, of course. My brother and I also discovered that we were immensely popular in high school, which is something I never realized. We were pretty much raped by girls and guys every 30 seconds. It was weird, because so many people didn't ever seem to care. It's good. I guess.
I spoke with Jorge. It was better than I expected. He fuckin' apologized to me. Wow. I cried. He invited me to his party on Saturday, so I think I'll head over there. I REALLY hope things go well with that. The guy was a prick, but I love him to death. He's so fuckin' cute and funny and seeing him excited to see me was the best thing to happen in a long time. I hope better days are ahead.
I missed Terror today. My buddy Giovanni saw them. They are the band that got me into hardcore, so it sucks not having money and missing a great show.
I WANT TO SHOW OFF MY PENIS, DAMMIT. And I need to make out with a hot guy soon. I haven't kissed someone since last year. I am a deprived homo. FUCK.
I'm out. LOVE YOU GUYS.
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| So what's sleep? |
[10 Jun 2003|03:52am] |
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I can't sleep. As usual. I usually don't hit the sack until around 5 AM nowadays, and I can't figure out why. It's not insomnia. I had that back in high school right before I moved out. I'm not that bad anymore. I just......don't get tired. And I wake up everyday before noon and....well...it's weird because I should sleep for a longer time.
Sonia told me tonight that Disneyland is hiring like crazy, so I'm planning to head down to Anaheim (sans lip ring, with long sleeves) on Thursday. I can't go tomorrow, because I have the Hot Topic thingy (or, rather, today). Wednesday, I'm going back to Riverside for my old high school graduation. I have mixed feelings about this. i'm excited to see old friends and teachers, but very reluctant for two reasons. One, I know I've changed, both mentally and physically. People are going to have a hard time with that, especially at Norte Vista. Fuckin' close minded beasts......
The second reason is Jorge. Jorge is my godfather. I'm now agnostic, part because of things him, his family, and his church did to me, and part because of a philosophy class I took last year. But I digress. Jorge is around a year younger than me, and I've had a crush on him for about two years now. We used to be really close, closer than brothers, and we knew practically everything about each other. I lived with him for a year because, during a rough point in my life, he gave up his room so I would have a place to stay. He wanted to be my godfather, so I was honored, naturally. And I felt so close to him that I figured I could tell him anything and he would accept me.
Jorge was the second person in the whole world I ever came out to. He didn't take it well. He said he always knew and our friendship declined horribly at that point. He became mean, bitter, and would embarrass me and make fun of me in front of friends. I think the worst part was during my Baptism. There was a part where he was supposed to kiss me, to show a sign of accpetance and love, and, infront of the whole congregation and the fucking priest, he flat out refused to. I felt like dying.
He doesn't talk to me anymore. Here's the worst part. I went back to visit him and his family back in the beginning of the school year and he wasn't there. I went to my old room to get a notebook I had left. In the notebook, which had been blank, I found that Jorge had used it as a diary. In it, he confessed that he was gay and he was in love with me, but that he knew his parents would disown him. Therefore, he treated me like an ass so as to get me to leave his house (which I did) and hate him, so that it would be easier for me.
Pretty shitty. The first time I heard This Time Imperfect, I felt it was about this. "Just these stark words I find..." So fucking depressing. So I'm nervous to see him. He'll be graduating. I hope he doesn't hate me.
Hmmmm...it's late. I'm still not tired and I just spilled my guts about something I've almost never shared. I feel accomplished, but not.
Sara offered me a place to stay in Tarzana. I would rather live there than Anaheim. And I'd rather live in Anaheim than here. I'll just have to see how this goes.
There are no flowers, no, not this time; there will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak. I'd share with you could I only speak, just how much this hurts me.
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| ...but home is nowhere |
[10 Jun 2003|01:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
So I basically feel like a pathetic loser. Not the GAWTHY kind though. I didn't really wanna post on the board about needing help, but I basically have nowhere to turn. I think my brother is just jealous of me. I've found my niche and I seem so comfortable with myself. He tries so hard to be something he isn't (a black man). And while he is close, he'll never be quite there. He changes the way he talks, and he wears the gear, and he spends so much money on clothes. It actually makes me sad and (I'll admit) really jealous. I've worked so fuckin' hard all my life and this is where I have ended up. Poor, desolate, and somewhat alone.
Damn. That came out all GAWTH too.
I think ...but home is nowhere is my favorite song. Ever. I have never felt I could relate to any song in the universe more than that. I think I'll go listen to it after this BANE CD is over. Maybe I'll cry. I haven't done that in a while.
If you're on my friends list, I love you more than words could ever express. Thank you.
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| GAH |
[09 Jun 2003|03:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 apathetic |
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Ok, my first entry in my new LiveJournal. Fuck the old one. I'm sitting at my bro's computer and I'm waiting. Not really for anything, because I have no plans today. Tomorrow, I have to go to Hot Topic to see if they're going to hire me. They probably won't because I have no permanent residence, like nearly every other job I applied to.
I need to get out of this fucking city. And soon. But I'm basically stranded here in lame-o Claremont with all its shitty citizens and stuck up morons. I don't feel welcome anymore.
I'm shifting to a more hardcore phase in music, mostly because I'm looking for something with a more harder edge than punk. Lots of American Nightmare, BANE, Terror, Raised Fist, and Shai Hulud lately. Thanks to all those who recommended me these awesome bands.
Why did my Nerve Agents CD have to get stolen? I miss that fucker.
Comment on this fucker, so I can add you on my friends list. NOW.
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